Chapter 6

Journal entry #4 October 9^th.

Is it possible to have sacrament as culture? Can you have a religious experience that binds people together and forms their basic assumptions?

And if this is possible, is it advisable? Is it a good idea, or is it mere isolationism, albeit a powerful version of it?

What would it look like a be a member of a sacred culture?

“Hey Hannah, you seem pretty quiet back there, you ok?” Ryan glanced up into the rearview mirror, trying to catch Hannah’s eyes, but she glanced out the window. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just kinda…tired, I guess.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I think I may be coming down with something. It’s probably just that.”

“Ok, well, let us know if you need anything, ok”

“Yeah, ok.” She brushed her hair back from her face, and smiled shyly. “So, what’s everyone doing for lunch?”

“I’m going straight to my dorm, I got a paper to study for, and I’m not going to have time to go to the cafeteria till it’s done. Erin, Jason?”

“Sorry, sweetie, I’m going out for lunch with Travis, then back to my room to nap. I was up really late last night.”

I almost begged off, too, but something about the look in her eyes made me stop. “Are you going to the cafeteria, Hannah?”

“Yeah, I don’t have the money to eat out right now. You?”

“I think so, don’t really have any specific reason to go anywhere else. Mind if I eat with you?”

“No, not at all, that sounds nice.”

Ryan dropped us off close to the cafeteria, and we went in. After loading our trays, Hannah and I found a table near the wall of windows, looking south into the plaza outside. “So, Hannah, I don’t think I even know what year you are in at school.” I began shoving my dull knife through a stack of sliced turkey, trying not to splash gravy onto my Sunday shirt.

“Well, I’m technically a freshman, but I’m only seventeen. I finished high school a year early, and so I’m a year younger than most of the other freshmen.”

“Really? So why’d you come to college so early? Most people who graduate early work or stay at home for a year or two before going off to school.”

“There wasn’t really anything left for me at home. My dad walked out on us when I was fifteen, and so my mom’s always working, trying to keep us all fed and clothed. It was easier on everybody if I was out of the house. I didn’t have much in common with any of the other kids my age, and I got a pretty good scholarship here, so it just seemed like the best idea.”

“OK, yeah, I can see how that would be the case.” I hate it when some nice sweet person opens up about their life, and their past is full of really hard things. I never know what to say, and I feel like I should be happier about my own crappy existence. I busied myself with getting the precise mixture of potatoes and gravy on my plate, then spoke up.

“So, um, have you joined any groups on campus? I saw that there was a club fair a few weeks ago.”

“Yeah, I walked through that but didn’t really see anything I was interested in. There wasn’t a reading club, or an archery group, or anything that I was interested in starting up, so my main socialization is through class and my roommates.”

“Do you like your roommates? Mine are ok, but I doubt we’ll ever be close. One guy’s really geeky, I mean, to the extent of knowing Klingon, and the other one’s really into sports, so the three of us don’t really have much to talk about.”

“Yeah, kinda same here. I guess I like living with Erin ok, but she’s pretty busy, between work, school, and her boyfriend, so I just don’t see much of her. Kate is kind of uptight, but she’s a music major, and that seems to go with the territory.”

We both fell silent for a minute, awkwardly taking a few moments to eat a few bites of our rapidly cooling food. Hannah looked up at the clock and laughed. “I thought so. It’s twenty minutes after noon.”

“Um…Is there a rule that no one can talk at twelve-twenty on the second Sunday of the month?”

“No, it’s just a funny ‘law’ of conversations. Sudden simultaneous pauses seem to happen on the hour, twenty after, and forty after. Check it sometime and see.” She got up and picked up her tray. “It was nice talking to you, Jason, maybe we can do it again sometime?”

“sure, that sounds great! I’m on the school network, so just email me.”

Hannah smiled, and my heart suddenly skipped a beat. “Ok, I will. See you later!” As she walked away, I distractedly noted how nicely her pink sundress completed the soft suede color of her hair.

I’m no cradlerobber, and she was two years younger than me, but I suddenly wanted to be around her more, and find out everything about her.

I met up with Hannah a few more times that week, usually just for a study session in one of the glassed in rooms of the library. We didn’t talk much, but I enjoyed her quiet nature. She often let me ramble on, spouting out my theories of life.

I kept going back to Our Lady church with Ryan, Erin, and Hannah, but I have to admit, Hannah was my main attraction in going. She said she liked the church, that it was a good place to be. She never seemed to talk to anyone other than the three of us, hiding in a corner with her cup of hot chocolate during the fellowship time. A few people did try to talk to her, but she just smiled and nodded until they went away. I guess no-one wanted to intrude on her privacy, not even me.

I wish we had. I wish I had. How do you know that someone needs help unless they tell you? If someone can’t open up the doors of their soul, how can anyone else know that the doors need to be broken down?